Bewitched

All I have to do is read the film’s title, and somewhere from the depths of my collective melodic memories I hear Ella Fitzgerald crooning “Bewitched…bothered and bewildered am I.” Unfortunately, this cinematic adaptation of the classic T.V. show left me feeling more on the “bothered and bewildered” side. It emerges as further proof that there is simply no need to keep remaking old T.V. shows for the big screen. Not that I didn’t have high hopes for it. I very much enjoyed the original sitcom “Bewitched” as a child, and found much hilarity in Dick York’s rubbery-faced performance as the first (and best) Darrin Stevens, the man who is helplessly in love with a nose-wiggling witch.

When I heard they were casting Nicole Kidman and Jim Carrey in a cinematic remake of the show, my childhood T.V. fanaticism was revived. Not only does Kidman look like vintage witch Elizabeth Montgomery, but she also embodies the previous actress’s sly combination of charming innocence and seductive sophistication. Carrey would have been a perfect choice to revive York’s zany physical comedy, yet he was replaced by Will Ferrell (proving that he just might be the most recently overused actor since Ashton Kutcher). Yet Ferrell puts as much vibrant spontaneity and energy into this film as he does with all of his roles, and the same can be said for the film’s truly exceptional supporting cast.

Like Kidman’s last comedy, The Stepford Wives (2003), it’s a little astonishing to see so much talent dedicated to a project that provides so little of a payoff. Like Wives, Bewitched seems to be the victim of so many rewrites that its plot structure becomes often confused and illogical. For example, take the film’s so-called “original” premise. Down-and-out actor Ferrell, in an attempt to revive his flagging career, agrees to star in a T.V. revival of the show Bewitched. He soon becomes infatuated with an unknown, played by Kidman, whose nose fits the show’s titular role of Samantha Stevens so perfectly that she’s immediately cast. The surprise for him, of course, is…she really is a witch!

Fine…except for the fact that the film ends up being nothing more than a basic retread of the old show, with the fancy premise being nothing more than a mask for the film’s bankrupt creativity to hide behind. This becomes glaringly obvious when characters from the Bewitched T.V. show pop up in Kidman’s real life (Aunt Clara, for example), bearing the question, “Was this film originally a flat-out remake of the T.V. show?” This film can’t seem to decide whether it is a retread, or if it’s actually trying something new. As far as I could see it, the film was only merely pretending to be original, although that wouldn’t be such a big problem if the jokes didn’t fall flat so often.

You’ve Got Mail writers Nora and Delia Ephron (Nora also being the director) have become a reliable team for specializing in lighthearted, unapologetically cute comedies that include dialogue dripping with intelligence and sophistication which usually makes up for the unoriginal plot they’re working with. That would make them prime candidates for Bewitched, yet the film’s verbal wit doesn’t spark as often as it should. Too much of the humor relies on obvious visual gags or actors mugging for the camera, which is demonstrated in the film’s funniest scene (a repeatedly failed line delivery by Ferrell during the filming of a dinner table scene), that rips off every “cosmic loss of verbal control” routine seen previously in Liar Liar and Bruce Almighty.

Although both lead actors struggle valiantly with their roles, Kidman’s character comes off as almost idiotically naïve, while Ferrell is painted as nothing more than a whiny mass of arrogance. There is also a dire lack of chemistry, save for admiration, sensed between the two very different performers. Shirley MacLaine and Michael Caine do all they can with their underwritten roles, while Jason Schwartzman, Heather Burns, and Broadway’s own Wicked witch Kristin Chenoweth provide fleeting yet vital bursts of comic energy in their few scenes. Carole Shelley gives an almost eerily spot-on impression of Marion Lorne (the original Aunt Clara), while the ever-hysterical Steve Carell proves that his next film should be “The Paul Lynde Story”, by channeling the spirit of the late quirky actor with his brief appearance as Uncle Arthur.

There were a lot of times I smiled during Bewitched, yet as the film progressed, I got the sinking feeling that “smiles” were the only thing this overloaded franchise would be able to elicit, instead of belly laughs, compelling human interest (usually brought about by strong characters), and most of all, any sense of magic. Thus, the film provides only small, isolated moments of laughter and delight, leading to an overall experience that is pleasant, disposable, and definitely not worth nine dollars at your local multiplex.

Rating: ** (out of *****)